Violence is not parenting. Children are not report cards.
How long will we justify violence in the name of parenting?
– Atoofa Nasiha
The education system we’ve created is obsessed with marks. From the time a child enters school, the focus is not on understanding, creativity, or skill-building, but on numbers, on ranks. On being better than someone else. Schools, coaching centres, and even parents push children into a constant cycle of tests, mock exams, competition, and comparison but rarely pausing to ask what the child is actually good at or passionate about. Instead of helping students explore their strengths, we condition them to believe that success has only one definition: top scores and a seat in a prestigious college.
This rigid mindset leads to pressure, fear, and in the worst cases, irreversible damage.
Recently, a devastating incident made headlines. A 17-year-old NEET aspirant, Sadhna Bhosale from Sangli, Maharashtra, was brutally beaten to death by her father for scoring low in a mock test. Not the final exam. Not a board result. But a mere mock test, something that’s meant to help students practise and improve. This wasn’t just a crime. It was a reflection of everything that’s wrong with how we view education, success, and parenting.
Sadhna was not just another student under pressure. She was bright and determined, having scored 92% in her Class X exams. She dreamed of becoming a doctor and was preparing hard for NEET. But at home, things weren’t easy. Her father, Dhondiram Bhosale, a school principal himself, was known to subject her to constant emotional abuse over her academics. Comments like “These marks are too low,” “That subject is weak,” and “If you don’t get selected, just wait and see” were common.
On the day of the incident, Sadhna had scored relatively low in a NEET mock test. Her father, enraged, began shouting and hitting her. Exhausted and frustrated, Sadhna finally spoke back. “Bas karo Papa. Aapke bhi to kam number aaye the. Aap kaun sa collector ban gaye?” (Translation – Enough dad, You too scored low marks once, you didn’t become any collector now). That one sentence, honest and bold, hit Dhondiram’s fragile ego. In a fit of uncontrollable rage, he picked up the wooden handle of a stone grinder and attacked her in front of her mother and younger brother. He didn’t stop until she collapsed. She was rushed to hospital but was declared dead.
Let’s stop pretending that this was an isolated event. It wasn’t. This tragedy sits on a mountain of issues we continue to ignore.
Unrealistic Academic Pressure
One of the biggest problems is the unrealistic academic pressure. We push children to perform at levels they may not be ready for, and when they don’t meet those expectations, we shame them instead of supporting them. Every child is different, but we measure them all by the same stick and expect them to run the same race at the same speed, without asking if they even want to be in that race.
Lack of emotional support from parents only makes it worse. Many children feel they cannot express their stress, fear, or confusion at home because they’ll be judged, scolded, or shut down. The home, which should be the safest space, often turns into another battlefield of expectations and disappointment.
We also continue to ignore mental health completely. If a student says they are tired or overwhelmed, they are told to “toughen up.” If they ask for a break, they are called lazy. If they don’t do well, they are labelled as failures. When kids cry themselves to sleep or lose their appetite before exams, no one talks about it. When they become numb, anxious, or withdrawn, we don’t ask why. Mental health isn’t a luxury topic anymore, it’s something we need to bring into every school, every home, and every parent-child relationship.
Parenting Misunderstood as Discipline
And then there’s toxic parenting, which is often misunderstood as discipline. Parents don’t just set rules; they set dreams for their children without asking if those dreams match the child’s interests. They confuse control with care. They think they know best, so they force their children into careers that seem “secure” or “respectable,” ignoring what the child might truly want. They yell in the name of love. They punish in the name of motivation. And they act like their child’s achievements are reflection of their own self-worth.
But the damage doesn’t stop at emotional pressure. In many households, physical and verbal abuse from parents is still seen as “normal” or even necessary. A slap for not scoring well. Yelling when a child expresses disagreement. Hurling insults under the excuse of “discipline.” These are not ways of parenting, they’re abuse, plain and simple. For years, we’ve watched it happen in silence. We’ve excused it with lines like “this is how Indian parents are,” or “they hit us because they care.” But love that leaves bruises – on the body or the mind – is not love at all.
What’s even more troubling is how society has accepted this behaviour as a part of growing up. Children are expected to “adjust” and “tolerate” in the name of respect. But no child should fear coming home. No child should associate learning with punishment. Verbal abuse like calling children names, constantly putting them down, or humiliating them are just as harmful as a raised hand.
And legally, children are not helpless. The Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection of Children) Act, 2015 considers cruelty against children including by parents is a punishable offence. The Protection of Children from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act also highlights that a child’s safety and dignity must be preserved at all costs. Abuse is not discipline. It is a crime, and it’s time we stop tolerating it just because it happens behind closed doors.
Asian Parenting and the Myth of Obedience
In many families, the parent-child bond lacks true communication and comprehension. Parents talk, children listen. Or worse, children stay silent. There’s very little room for honest conversations about stress, confusion, or fear. So, children carry it all inside, until they break. We’ve made good grades the only way to earn love, attention, and validation, which is absolutely terrifying.
Before setting expectations, sit with your child and listen. Not to respond, not to correct right away but to truly understand where they’re coming from. Every child has thoughts, ideas, fears, and hopes. If you don’t give them space to express those things at home, they’ll either bottle it up or seek validation elsewhere. Neither ends well.
Even if their opinions don’t match yours, even if you think they’re wrong, listen. Let them speak without interruption. Be open to criticism. You’re not just a parent; you’re their first emotional home. And if that home doesn’t feel safe, they’ll stop coming back to it.
It starts with three simple things: communication, comprehension, and then correction.
Talk to them, not at them. Try to understand before jumping in to advise. And only after they feel heard, offer guidance not control. Make home the place where your child feels most free. Free to say, “I don’t want this path.” Free to admit mistakes. Free to cry without being mocked. Free to say, “I need help.” Because the truth is, the more your child feels safe with you, the more they’ll open up. And when they do, you’ll realise how many beautiful thoughts they carry. Those thoughts you’ve probably never heard because the space never felt open enough.
Let parenting be a relationship, not a rulebook. With constant pressure to perform, children’s confidence starts to collapse. They begin to believe that unless they top every test or meet every expectation, they are not good enough. They start defining their worth based on a mark sheet. And before they even become adults, they are pushed into anxiety, burnout, and self-doubt.
That’s how we all slowly join the rat race: a race that doesn’t ask who we are, but only how fast we can run. A race that wasn’t designed for everyone, but we’re forced into it anyway. A race that doesn’t value dreams, creativity, or self-awareness, but only rewards those who conform to the system.
In 2021 alone, over 13,000 students in India died by suicide, with academic stress cited as one of the top reasons. That number is not just a statistic but a loud, terrifying signal. A system designed to educate should not be the reason young people lose hope in life.
Source: The Indian Express – “13,000 student suicides in 2021: Experts point to academic pressure, lack of support”
A Note for Teachers, Parents and All Competitive Exam Aspirants
Yes, the world is competitive. Everyone is trying to get somewhere. But here’s the thing, not everyone wants to go to the same place. And that’s completely okay.
We don’t all have to be doctors or engineers. We don’t all need to crack NEET or JEE or whatever else society glorifies. Success doesn’t look the same for everyone, and it never should.
Kids don’t need pressure, they need freedom. They need space to think, to explore, to fail, to figure things out. And when we actually give them that space without judgment or threats, they’ll be able to see real success. Not the forced, exhausted, tears-behind-the-smile kind of success. But the kind that comes from real effort, real interest, and real purpose.
When a teacher becomes the abuser, the system is not just flawed, it is dangerous. Dhondiram Bhosale was not just a father, he was a principal. Someone who understood student life inside and out, yet chose to use violence over understanding. This is where the real failure lies. Educators cannot preach compassion in classrooms while practising cruelty at home. If a teacher’s identity becomes tied to their child’s marks, they’ve forgotten the essence of education. It’s time for teachers to reflect – are you adding to the pressure that’s breaking students down? Are you watching silently when you see signs of distress? As educators, your job is not to mould children into ideal toppers, but to protect their curiosity, their confidence, and their well-being. The culture of shame, comparison, and conditional praise starts in classrooms. It’s your responsibility to end it there too.
So, to every parent out there: your child’s marks are not your trophy. Stop trying to live your pride through their achievements. Stop making them feel like love is conditional based on their results. Stop controlling their life in the name of protection.
And to every student reading this: your entire life is not defined by one exam. You matter, your efforts matter, you are allowed to take your time, change your mind, and find your own way. You can be a doctor if that’s your dream. And you can also become something beautiful and meaningful that you haven’t even thought of yet. Just give your dedication to the things you see you’re good at, and be brave enough to walk your own path.
Let there be the Sadhnas who live their own dreams, not buried under abuse and criticism.
Let there be no more the Dhondhirams feeding their egos at the cost of a child’s life.
#StopUnrealisticAcademicPressure
#UnderstandMentalHealth
#LetChildrenDreamSafe
