– Mohammed Atherulla Shariff
Bengaluru: Grey divorce is often defined as divorce that occurs after the age of 50 following a long-term marriage. These individuals have often been married for many years or decades but ultimately decide to split during the later years of their lives.
Not just young couples but the elderly have also increasingly been seeking legal separation over the last five to 10 years, say city lawyers. A notable change is that the children of older couples seeking a divorce are now “accepting (of such a decision) and encourage the duo to live happy individual lives rather than be miserable together”, advocates point out, writes Tini Sara Anien in Deccan Herald.
They say the reasons for long-standing marriages to end include “a loveless bond”, extramarital affairs, unacceptable traits, and compatibility issues (also sexual and emotional).
A majority of the divorces are initiated by women. “Almost 75% of the grey divorce cases are filed by wives. They must have suffered much. And once the couple’s children are independent and working, they encourage their mother or bring her to the lawyer seeking a divorce,” says advocate Kusum.
“After tending to family duties, women are now confidently seeking a divorce and wanting to live a peaceful life,” says another lawyer Bhojamma.
Around 15 to 20 elderly couples have approached her seeking a divorce in the last five years. She adds that during mediation, “often their issues get sorted and many of them get back to living together”.
Since 2015, advocate Ian Lewis too has noticed a similar trend. “Earlier, I would get around 1 to 2 cases per year, now it is 4 to 5 cases. I see both men and women file for divorce in their later years now,” he shares. While many women seek alimony, a few “are even willing to let go of financial support as they just want to be free,” he says. “Even men, who have to look after children, are now more confident and prepared to take on household duties,” Ian adds.
Various factors that can lead to divorce after 25+ years of marriage, including growing apart, infidelity, financial issues, and unresolved long-term problems. Many responses emphasise how people change over time, potentially leading to incompatibility, while others point to the impact of empty nest syndrome or the cumulative effect of unaddressed issues in the relationship.
People grow and change all their lives. In the space of a mere five to 10 years, someone can be a completely different person from they were when married. Goals change, beliefs change, and priorities change.
