– Atoofa Nasiha
How do children first understand Allah by His Names, by prayer, or through stories? Surprisingly, research suggests that throughout their developmental stages, children perceive Allah primarily through the lens of their parents. Developmental psychology shows that parental warmth, forgiveness, discipline, daily self-control, and even the language parents use about Allah become early “data points” from which children infer what Allah is like. [Saide & Richert, 2022; Pew Research Center, 2020.]
Scientific Foundations: How Children Build Ideas of God
1) Anthropomorphism and Allah’s Mind vs. Body
Young children naturally reason about unseen beings using what they know best: human minds and bodies. Researchers call this tendency anthropomorphism. Across cultures, children and adults more readily attribute mind-based abilities to God, such as knowing, thinking and caring, than body-based traits like eating or aging. With age and religious learning, people keep the mind-based attributions and drop body-based ones. [Heiphetz et al., 2016; Saide & Richert, 2022.]
By early primary school, many children already infer that God knows hidden things humans cannot possibly know, which is a key step away from human-like limits. This “super-knowing” emerges even when children still speak about God using simple, concrete language. [Lane, Wellman & Evans, 2010; Barrett et al., 2001.]
Religious context matters. Studies find that Muslim children are less likely than Protestant children to ascribe physical features to God, because Islam strictly prohibits the bodily depictions of Allah. In parallel, both groups still attribute mind-based qualities. [Richert, Saide, Lesage & Shaman, 2017; Saide & Richert, 2022.]
2) Parental Influence and Attachment Patterns
Children frequently form ideas about Allah through the same pathways they form ideas about caregivers. In a large U.S. survey, majorities of parents reported that their teens shared all or some of their religious beliefs, and overlap was strongest when families practised together. Shared practice appears to create shared belief and identity. [Pew Research Center, 2020; Pew Research Center, 2023.]
Attachment research shows related patterns. Warm, consistent caregiving is linked with secure attachment to parents, which in turn predicts more trusting views of God and better behavioural outcomes. Harshness and inconsistency correlate with anxiety about closeness to God and more externalising problems. These links have been observed in longitudinal and cross-sectional work using national samples. [Goeke-Morey & Cummings, 2014; Bradshaw, Ellison & Marcum, 2010; Granqvist, 2012.]
3) Identity Formation & Long-Term Outcomes
Research in developmental psychology shows that children’s God-concepts affect not just their spirituality but also their identity, moral compass, and resilience in adulthood.
For example, seeing God as loving and just predicts better mental health and stronger moral behaviour, while seeing Him as harsh-only is linked with guilt, anxiety, or even rejection of faith later (Research: Granqvist & Kirkpatrick, Attachment to God studies).
In an Islamic framework, this links directly to the Qur’anic teaching of tarbiya (nurturing), where parents cultivate the child’s whole personality in balance by spiritually, emotionally, and socially.
4) Parenting Styles and Allah’s Attributes (Islamic Framework)
Authoritative parenting combines warmth with clear structure. Meta-analyses link this style with better academic, social and behavioural outcomes. It fits an Islamic balance: teaching mercy and hope along with rules and accountability. [Pinquart, 2017.]
Authoritarian parenting is high on control and low on warmth. It tends to produce more fear, secrecy and mental-health risks, and may lead children to see Allah mainly as a punisher. Psychological control in particular predicts internalising and externalising problems. [Cui et al., 2014; Pinquart, 2017.]
Permissive parenting is warm but lax on limits. Children can infer that rules are not serious, and later struggle when life’s tests arrive. Evidence across studies links inconsistent limits with poorer self-regulation. [Pinquart, 2017.]
Islamic sources support an authoritative spirit: invite with wisdom and good instruction, avoid compulsion in faith, establish prayer in the family with patience, and practice gentleness and anger control.
Parenting Through Qur’an and Sunnah
5) Authoritative Parenting Guidance from Quran and Sunnah:
The Qur’an highlights the central role of parents in building their children’s understanding of Allah.
“And [mention] when Luqman said to his son while he was instructing him, ‘O my dear son, do not associate anything with Allah. Indeed, shirk is a great injustice.’” (Qur’an 31:13)
This verse shows how a father begins by connecting his child’s learning directly to Allah, making Tawheed the foundation of upbringing. It is a reminder that parents are the first teachers of faith, and their words and behaviour leave lasting impressions on how children view their relationship with Allah.
“Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best.” (Qur’an 16:125)
When teaching children about Allah, this verse is key. Parents should not use force or anger, but wisdom, gentleness, and age-appropriate explanations. Children’s faith grows stronger when nurtured kindly rather than pressured harshly.
“There is no compulsion in religion. The right course has become clear from the wrong.” (Qur’an 2:256)
Parents sometimes think that forcing prayers or acts of worship guarantees faith. But this verse reminds us that guidance is from Allah. Parents’ role is to model faith, guide with love, and create an environment where Islam feels natural, not imposed.
“And enjoin prayer upon your family and be steadfast therein. We do not ask you for provision; We provide for you. And the [best] outcome is for righteousness.” (Qur’an 20:132)
This highlights the balance of teaching and modelling. Children learn to pray not by commands alone but by seeing parents consistently pray themselves. This verse teaches that parents must embody worship in daily life.
“Verily Allah is kind and He loves kindness in all matters.” (Sahih Muslim 2593)
This hadith is a reminder that parenting should be rooted in kindness. Harshness, shouting, or aggression not only hurt children but can distort their understanding of Allah. By being gentle, parents mirror Allah’s attribute of Rahmah (mercy) for their children.
“The strong man is not the one who wrestles others down, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 6114)
Children watch how parents handle anger. If parents shout or punish out of rage, children may think Allah also “loses control” when they make mistakes. By controlling anger, parents show that discipline can be firm yet calm, reflecting Allah’s justice and patience.
6) Trauma, Harsh Parenting, and Negative God-Concepts
Studies confirm that children exposed to harsh parenting, neglect, or trauma often develop an image of God as distant, punishing, or untrustworthy.
This creates difficulty later in turning to Allah for comfort or repentance. Some even disassociate from religion entirely.
Islamically, this ties to the Prophet ﷺ’s warning:
“The most beloved of people to Allah on the Day of Judgment and the closest to Him will be the just leader, and the most hated and distant will be the tyrannical leader” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi).
Parents, as leaders of their homes, fall under this principle.
Faith in Adolescence: Challenges and Supports
7) Developmental Stages and Cognitive Maturity
Ages 2–7: Thinking is concrete. Children may ask if Allah has eyes or hands. They can grasp that Allah knows and cares, especially when parents anchor this in stories and daily practice. [Heiphetz et al., 2016; Lane, Wellman & Evans, 2010.]
Ages 8–11: Children begin to hold two ideas at once, for example “Allah does not need a body to know everything.” This is an ideal window to teach why we avoid images of Allah and how attributes are perfect without human limits. [Saide & Richert, 2022; Richert et al., 2017.]
Age 12+: Abstract reasoning matures. Teens can weigh evidence, nuance and apparent tensions. Linking faith to ethics, service and personal goals is effective here, especially when parents discuss doubts openly and respectfully. [Heiphetz et al., 2016; Goeke-Morey & Cummings, 2014.]
8) Adolescence and Faith Doubts
Research highlights that teenage years are when most faith doubts arise.
If parents respond with anger or dismissal, children may shut down and turn away. If parents respond with patience, validation, and open dialogue, children are more likely to stay engaged and seek answers.
The Qur’an shows that even prophets like Ibrahim عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ asked questions “My Lord, show me how You give life to the dead” (2:260). This validates that asking questions is not disbelief but part of growth.
9) Community and Social Reinforcement
Children don’t only learn about Allah from parents; peers, teachers, and the wider community play a major role.
Research shows that when children see consistent religious practice in community life (mosques, schools, family friends), they are more likely to hold on to belief. (Research: Smith & Denton, Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers).
Islamically, this is why the Prophet ﷺ emphasised community belonging by praying in jama‘ah, learning together, and ensuring children grow up in an environment where faith is normalised.
Science on Faith and Wellbeing
10) The Role of Modelling Worship
Research on “observational learning” confirms that children copy behaviour more than words. If they see parents praying with humility, crying in du‘a, or turning to Allah in hardship, they internalise these habits.
Islamically, this matches the Qur’anic instruction:
“Enjoin prayer upon your family and be steadfast therein” (Quran – 20:132).
The verse commands parents to do it with consistency themselves, not just tell children.
11) Scientific Link Between Secure Faith and Mental Health
Psychologists have found that secure attachment to God is linked with lower anxiety, higher resilience, and greater life satisfaction (APA studies).
In Islamic terms, this matches the verse:
“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest” (Quran – 13:28).
A child who knows Allah as Merciful and Near carries that sense of inner calm into adulthood.
Practical Application
12) Practical Steps Parents Can Use Now
1) Pray and learn together at home. Family religious practice predicts stronger parent-teen alignment and healthier outcomes. Even brief, regular routines such as a short nightly du’a or reading a verse together are linked with better child adjustment.
2) Coach emotions and manage anger. Children learn regulation by watching their parents. Reviews and meta-analyses show that parents’ emotion regulation and supportive coaching improve children’s regulation and mental health, while frequent angry outbursts and psychological control predict problems.
3) Use a warm structure. Set clear expectations for prayer, media, sleep and study, but deliver them with calm tone, reasons and repair after conflict. This pattern supports self-control and a balanced view of Allah’s mercy and justice.
4) Invite questions without shaming. Teens who feel safe to ask hard questions are more likely to stay engaged. Attachment-based studies suggest that sensitive listening and non-punitive responses foster trust in both parents and in God.
5) Connect faith to service and belonging. Youth religious involvement often reduces risk behaviour partly by providing prosocial peers, moral goals and adult mentoring. Family rituals and community service projects give teens identity and purpose.
6) Anchor method in Islamic guidance. Teach with wisdom and good advice, avoid coercion, keep family prayer steady, and practice gentleness and self-control. These are not slogans; they are concrete ways to transmit faith that align with what research says about effective parenting.
Children’s earliest ideas about Allah grow out of daily life at home. When parents practise steady prayer, speak about Allah with hope and respect, guide with warmth and limits, manage anger and repair quickly, children acquire a view of Allah that is loving, wise and just. That foundation is supported by both the best available research and the guidance of Qur’an and Sunnah.
Let’s remember that every word, prayer, and action at home is not only raising children, but also shaping their first picture of Allah.
