– Uzma Ausaf
Our marriages are often full of pomp and show. Lakhs of rupees are spent on decorating the place and a ten-course meal is laid out for guests. Often people walk on the carpet with chandeliers over their heads and flowers all around. All the expenditure for this lavish experience is borne by the girl’s father who often takes a loan for this so-called memorable evening. It makes one think of poor people who cannot marry off their daughter in the same fashion, and many girls unable to find a good match for the same reason. All this grand expenditure makes Marriage difficult and Zina easy.
Jamat-e-Islami Hind’s Women’s Wing decided to tackle this social problem with an informed talk by editor-activist Rahmathunnissa on the subject, Marriage: Narratives, Myths and Realities.
Speaking to a packed auditorium National Secretary, Jamaat-e-Islami Hind, Rahmathunnissa highlighted the mindset of many youngsters who avoid marriage though they enjoy the company of the opposite gender. She said, “Today the thought process of people has changed in the secular space, in the liberal space. They say they are single but not alone, they have company but not through Nikah or marriage. Some people say ‘let me complete my studies and settle in my career’. Girls these days want to enjoy freedom, they don’t want to be ‘chained’, marriage for some is like going to the jail. Some girls say they don’t want to undergo the same suffering their mothers had undergone because of the marriage.”
While encouraging us all to find a way to change such a mindset, she said, most people don’t have a realistic appraisal of life. “They want a perfect match,” she said.
She spoke at length about myths of marriage, like age-old beliefs, customs, traditions. “We have to analyze the reasons affecting our married life, which is the first and oldest institution which makes the human life smooth. The problem is the materialistic aspect, the present generation is highly involved in the materialistic worldview which is affecting relationships even after marriage because everything is market-oriented,” she commented.
Mrs. Rahmathunnissa reminded that Allah created husbands and wives for letaskunu ilaiha, take sukoon from each other.
She criticized the mindset of those who argue that whatever you get from family, whether it is care or food, comfort, sex, physical enjoyment, everything is available in the market. “The materialistic argument is if you want to buy a coffee, do you buy a whole coffee shop.”
She pointed out the youngsters’ tendency to think of short-term gains. “Apni zindagi, apni marzi. They think of instant gains, immediate gratification. LGBTQ are the byproducts of these kinds of thoughts. They don’t want to be confined to any rules, regulations.
“The third most important problem of denial of marriage is a lot of imposition of tradition and culture. Some people go to the length that spirituality is going away from women. Women are impure, they claim. Rituals like horoscope add fuel to the fire. The fourth problem is dowry. When the girl is born the whole focus is on how to collect jahez, not to educate the girl,” she said.
She also pointed out the rules laid down by the Quran which emphasizes the need to give privacy to newly married couples through Surah Hujjurat. The need of the hour is to follow the Quran’s guidelines, she summed up.
The program was moderated by Nabeeha Akhtar of GIO. As Mrs. Rahmathunnissa’s insightful talk drew to a close, the audiences were left thinking of ways to get rid of the challenges of an increasingly materialistic world. Time to make marriages simple, inexpensive and easy, many concluded.
