– Mohammed Atherulla Shariff
Bengaluru, Jan. 31: “My wife passed away 18 years ago. I feel lonely. My children live abroad,” he said, explaining why he was looking for “a companion”.
“I told my daughter I am coming here. She encouraged me,” said a 79-year-old man who visited a matchmaking event for the elderly people held here. He was asked to produce the death certificate of his spouse, Aadhaar, a photo and fee (Rs.1000 for men and 500 for women).
A lady had travelled from Raichur for her widowed mother. “I don’t want my mother to live alone anymore. But my mother refuses to stay with me or my sister. She is uncomfortable around her sons-in-law,” she shared.
The event named as Parichaya Vedike meaning introduction forum, was organized by Thodu-Needa Foundation, a Hyderabad-based organization. Company and homeliness – the literal translation of the above vernacular title in the Telugu language – are the two most important emotional needs of a growing population of the elderly in Indian society today, including the parents of NRIs who prefer to live in India. This non-governmental organization has been trying to address their needs through a range of options, other than usual old age homes, such as community living, day-care, companionship and remarriage, as per the individual needs of the elderly.
According to its founder NM Rajeswari, since its inception in 2010, Thodu-Needa has facilitated more than 500 marriages for the widowed or divorced above the age of 50.
The participants were nervous and sat silently, sometimes stealing a glance at each other. Some men brushed their freshly dyed hair intermittently. Outside, some were being turned away because they were under 50 or did not carry the required documents.
‘Caste no issue’
One by one, the participants come on stage, introduce themselves and announce their token numbers. Among them were businesspersons, headmasters, agriculturists, drivers, scientists, nursing faculty and homemakers.
For most, their children were living away. Some had lost their spouses to Covid-19. One woman broke down recounting her backstory. Men declared how much pension they earn. A majority did not have a caste preference. “People are particular about food preferences though,” Rajeswari said.
The participants had to express their interest in a person through the organiser and interact over lunch and a short meeting later. “The 79-year-old man I met in the beginning left before lunch. The woman I liked turned me down,” he said.
A woman, in her 50s, did not find anybody to match “her wavelength”. But at the dining area, she was being pursued by a man who wanted to be “friends” with her. She declined. Some of them want to involve their families.
“Indian society needs mechanisms of making such facilities more affordable for senior citizens of all classes. Therefore, we are seeking liberal participation/help in spreading the ideas, referring elders in need to us and other support in any form, including financial help, feel the organisers. This vindicates our vision that elders need more options and grab them when we make them available. We are constantly campaigning against any taboos and social stigmas associated with these options and also searching for more options to empower the elderly.”
