— Syed Azharuddin
Do not raise your children the way your parents raised you; they were born for a different time.
— Ali ibn Abi Talib (R.A)
Somewhere between school runs and screen time, we lost something: eye contact, unhurried conversations, bedtime stories.
We were once raised by villages. Now, we raise children surrounded by notifications, nuclear homes, and numbing routines. Parenting today isn’t a matter of tradition or trend — it’s survival. We’re parenting in an age where Google knows more than grandparents, and school rankings mean more than sleep.
This article walks through the real, raw terrain of modern parenting, offering soulful, practical, and evidence-backed solutions. It’s a combination of stories, scriptures, and strategies — not as commandments, but as companionship.
Cracks in the Cradle: Understanding Today’s Challenges
1. The Glow of Screens, the Shadow on Minds
Children today are born into a digital flood. According to Common Sense Media, teens spend over 8.5 hours a day on screens. For many, the first words are tapped before spoken. In The Anxious Generation, psychologist Jonathan Haidt warns: “Smartphones have rewired childhood, replacing friendships with followers.”
Story: A 9-year-old in Hyderabad once loved painting but became irritable and distracted after receiving a tablet. His father, after a 30-day screen detox, said, “I got my child back.” (Field notes, “Youth Habits Survey 2023,” Warangal chapter)
2. Loneliness in a Crowded Room
Mental health is quietly collapsing. UNICEF estimates 1 in 7 adolescents globally suffer from mental health issues — often unnoticed in academic pursuits. Lost Connections by Johann Hari ties modern depression to disconnection — from purpose, people, and presence.
Real Moment: A single mother in Mumbai began a 10-minute bedtime whisper session with her son. In weeks, tantrums turned into talks. (Parenting Diaries 2022, compiled by Bharatiya Bal Vikas Parishad)
3. Marks Without Meaning
Our children are pressured to score, not to think. ASER reports less than half of Grade 5 students in India can read Grade 2 texts. We’ve mistaken rote memory for real learning. In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell shows how mastery isn’t born in classrooms — but in challenge, curiosity, and failure.
4. Outsourced Parenting, Borrowed Values
Between tuition centers, domestic help, and digital nannies, parental presence often takes a backseat. The Collapse of Parenting by Dr. Leonard Sax cautions: “We’ve handed over our authority, and children are lost without it.”
5. Where Did the Elders Go?
Nuclear families often lack the soft cushion of grandparents, cousins, or a community. From nannies to YouTube to tuition teachers — we’ve subcontracted parenting. But no substitute can match parental presence. Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld says children now look to peers, not parents, for emotional anchoring — a dangerous shift.
Experience: A Delhi-based father banned all external tuition for a year and tutored his son himself. Their bond deepened, and his grades improved. (Interview from “Parent-Led Education Trials in Urban Delhi,” 2022)
From Chaos to Clarity: Rebuilding the Heart of Parenting
1. Taqwa as Foundation: Teaching Awareness of the Unseen
Teach your children to live with the awareness that Allah is with them and watching over them, always and everywhere.
In a classroom, a teacher handed each student an apple and gave them a simple assignment: “Go home and eat this apple in a place where no one can see you.”
The next day, the students returned and shared their experiences.
One said, “I ate mine behind a closed door.”
Another said, “I hid under my bed.”
A third explained, “I climbed to the roof where no one was around.”
But one child came back with the apple untouched. When the teacher asked why, the boy’s voice trembled as he said, “I couldn’t eat it… I felt Allah was watching me.”
Silence filled the classroom. No sermon followed. No praise was needed. The lesson had been lived.
This story gently but powerfully teaches the awareness of Allah’s presence — a value that shapes character more deeply than any set of rules.
2. The Sacred Power of Why: Encouraging Curiosity
The profound importance of encouraging children to ask questions — “why,” “what,” and “how” — cannot be overstated. Even the simplest questions can carry deep insights, and dismissing a child’s curiosity limits their mental growth.
The message is clear: when children are given space to question and contribute, their minds develop confidence, clarity, and critical thinking — tools essential for a meaningful life. Children ask why not to rebel, but to relate.
The Qur’an itself constantly invites questioning: “Will you not reason?”
3. Democracy Begins on the Dinner Table
Inspired by Hajer Sharief’s TED Talk on “Friday Democracy Meetings,” I introduced a similar practice in my own home. Sharief, a Libyan peace activist, spoke about how her family gathered every Friday evening to discuss household matters, allowing even the youngest members to participate in decision-making.
Now, every Friday, our family comes together not just to dine, but to reflect on the week, address concerns, and plan the days ahead. Each voice — whether a child’s or an adult’s — is heard and valued.
What started as an inspiration has become a cherished tradition.
4. Home: The First University
Before a child ever steps into a classroom, they’ve already learned the most lasting lessons — by watching, doing, and feeling at home.
In our rush to secure school admissions and coaching classes, we often forget that the real curriculum starts in the kitchen, the living room, and during bedtime talks. The home is not a waiting room for school — it is the first and most powerful institution of learning.
Don’t wait for schools to teach your child about finance, empathy, leadership, or resilience. Teach measurement while baking cookies, budgeting during grocery runs, and time management while preparing for guests. Let them learn patience while folding laundry, and empathy while comforting a sibling. These aren’t chores — they are life lessons wrapped in love.
As Dr. Maria Montessori emphasized, “practical life” activities foster not just skill but character. From setting the table to watering the plants, children learn not just how to act — but how to care.
And when they fail — and they will — don’t rush to correct or criticize. Celebrate the courage to try. One father in Lucknow baked cupcakes when his son lost a math contest. “You tried. That’s worth more,” he said, turning defeat into dignity.
That night, the taste of failure wasn’t bitter — it was baked in love.
Because home is also where they should learn that falling isn’t the end. That true success isn’t always about winning — it’s about trying again, with heart.
As the Qur’an reminds us: “Indeed, with hardship comes ease.” (Surah Ash-Sharh 94:6)
5. Books as Best Friends: Reading in a Digital Age
Books aren’t just tools for learning — they’re lifelong companions that shape how children think, feel, and imagine the world.
As the Read-Aloud Handbook explains, storytelling helps children grow into emotionally intelligent, thoughtful individuals.
To help foster this habit, I founded Kitaab & Coffee in 2022 — a unique social startup, the first of its kind in India, dedicated to reviving reading culture among tech-savvy youth. It began with the simple idea of pairing books with the comfort of coffee, creating spaces where young minds could disconnect from screens and reconnect with stories, ideas, collaborations, and purpose.
You can start small at home too: create a warm “book nook” filled with cushions, light, and silence — no rules, no grades, just the joy of turning pages. Let books become their safe space, their escape, and eventually, their best friends.
6. Beyond the Mall: Reclaiming Outings for Meaning
Outings can be more than entertainment — they can spark ambition.
During a vacation, I took my children to Maulana Azad National Urdu University (MANUU), Hyderabad, where I studied. Walking them through a real university environment offered a subtle but powerful message: education opens doors.
We also visited Rocksport for physical activity and took a metro ride, blending learning with fun. Another time, I visited the Regional Library in Warangal with my son. Watching him browse books freely reminded me: meaningful change starts at home.
If we want to nurture curiosity, we must create opportunities for it — beyond malls and mobile screens.
In Drive, Daniel Pink explains that autonomy, mastery, and purpose are the core drivers of motivation. What better way to offer children purpose than by exposing them to places that celebrate knowledge, innovation, and social contribution?
We often complain about what this generation lacks. But before we criticize, let’s ask: Have we shown them the alternatives?
A thoughtful outing has the power to inspire for a lifetime.
The Time Is Now
We don’t have to be perfect parents. We just have to be present ones.
In this hyper-speed, hyper-noisy world, our job is not to control the child, but to connect with them. Build hearts, not just habits. Teach meaning, not just manners.
And always remember: the most powerful parenting strategy is your own example.
We are the last generation to play outside and the first to parent inside a screen. Let’s not be the generation that forgot how to truly connect.
