By Syeda Atika Tasneem Razvi
I remember on a random Sunday, my mum took me for an abaya shopping, giving me a hint that I was entering womanhood.
Later, my father took me aside and calmly asked me to be careful around boys.
My grandma whispered, don’t be too loud. That’s not how you behave in a gathering. I nodded, but I didn’t really understand why.
At school, my female teacher told me I was ‘too emotional’ when I cried over a failed test. I felt embarrassed, like my feelings were something to hide.
Every adult gave me a rule. Every rule added to the last, made more sense.
The Lessons We Receive: From Rules to Understanding
A girl does not wake up one morning and suddenly understand what it means to be a woman. She learns it gradually from what her mother teaches her, what her father cautions her about, what her teachers tell her, what her faith teaches her, and even from the things people say about her body, her weight, her appearance, her voice, and the way she behaves. She absorbs messages about what a good girl looks like, how a woman should carry herself, what she should aspire to, and what is expected of her. Some of these lessons are nurturing and meaningful; others can leave her questioning her worth.
Womanhood, therefore, is not something that begins with the first menstrual cycle, nor does it arrive on the day she starts wearing hijab, gets married, or becomes a mother. It is a gradual journey of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual transformation. Every stage brings new experiences, new responsibilities and new questions. The real question, therefore, is not when a girl becomes a woman, but who is shaping her understanding of what it means to be one?
Too many girls enter adolescence carrying more confusion than confidence. They experience changes in their bodies before anyone explains them. They are expected to observe modesty without understanding its wisdom. They are told what they should or should not do, but seldom given the opportunity to ask why. Silence often replaces guidance, and embarrassment replaces education. As a result, many young girls turn to the internet, social media or equally uninformed peers to find answers to questions that should have been lovingly addressed within their own homes.
Islam presents a remarkably different approach. It does not leave a child to navigate the most defining stages of life alone. Rather, it places the responsibility of nurturing and educating children squarely upon the family and the community. Guidance always comes before accountability, and knowledge before expectation.
Allah entrusts parents with the upbringing of their children, not merely in providing food and shelter, but in preparing them for every stage of life with wisdom, compassion and faith.
A Circle of Guidance: Family, Community and Faith
The first and perhaps the most influential teacher in a girl’s journey towards womanhood is her mother. No one understands a daughter’s changing emotions, physical development and silent anxieties quite like her. A mother has the privilege of transforming what could otherwise be a frightening experience into one of reassurance and confidence. Conversations about menstruation, hygiene, emotional fluctuations, personal cleanliness and modesty should never be postponed until a crisis arises. They should happen naturally, gradually and with warmth. Menstruation should not be introduced as something embarrassing or impure, but as a sign of Allah’s perfect design, marking a new phase in a girl’s life and responsibilities.
Unfortunately, in many cultures, menstruation continues to be treated as a taboo. Girls are often left to learn through whispers, myths or frightening stories.
Motherhood alone cannot shoulder this responsibility. Fathers have an equally significant role, although it is often overlooked. A daughter’s understanding of her worth is profoundly shaped by how her father treats her. A father who speaks gently, listens attentively, respects her opinions and honours her dignity silently teaches her what respect looks like. He builds her confidence without delivering a lecture. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ exemplified this beautifully in his relationship with his beloved daughter Sayyidah Fatimah (رضي الله عنها). Whenever she entered, he would stand up to welcome her, kiss her forehead, hold her hand and seat her in his own place. Such gestures conveyed a timeless lesson that honouring daughters is not merely a social virtue but a prophetic practice.
A girl’s journey is also enriched by the presence of elder sisters, aunts, grandmothers and other trusted women in the family. There are conversations that sometimes flow more naturally between sisters than between parents and children. An elder sister can gently reassure a younger girl that the insecurities she feels about her changing body are normal. She can discuss friendships, emotional struggles, self-esteem, modest dressing and personal boundaries in a language that is relatable and comforting. These relationships become invaluable bridges between childhood and adulthood.
However, raising confident Muslim women cannot remain the responsibility of individual families alone. The wider community has an important role to play. Mosques, schools, Islamic organisations and women’s groups should create safe, age-appropriate spaces where girls can learn about puberty, emotional well-being, hygiene, digital safety, healthy relationships and Islamic values without fear of judgement. These should not be occasional emergency sessions after problems emerge, but structured efforts that accompany girls through different stages of growth. Such programmes communicate a powerful message: your questions matter, your experiences matter, and your faith has guidance for every aspect of your life.
From Girlhood to Purpose: The Islamic Vision of Womanhood
At the heart of this education lies the Islamic understanding of modesty. Unfortunately, modesty is sometimes reduced to a dress code or a list of restrictions imposed once a girl reaches puberty. Islam presents a far richer understanding. Haya is an inner quality that nurtures dignity, humility, self-respect and consciousness of Allah. Clothing certainly reflects modesty, but modesty begins in the heart, influences speech, shapes behaviour and protects character. When girls understand the wisdom behind modesty rather than merely its rules, they embrace it willingly as an act of devotion instead of perceiving it as a burden.
History itself stands as evidence of what proper guidance can achieve. Sayyidah Khadijah (رضي الله عنها) demonstrated remarkable strength, wisdom and integrity long before she became the Mother of the Believers. Sayyidah Aishah (رضي الله عنها) became one of the greatest scholars of Islam, educating generations after the Prophet ﷺ. Sayyidah Fatimah (رضي الله عنها) embodied piety, resilience and unwavering devotion despite immense personal hardships. None of these extraordinary women emerged by chance. They were nurtured within environments where faith, knowledge, dignity and purpose were cultivated together.
Their legacy teaches us that educating girls is not simply about preparing them for marriage or motherhood. It is about preparing them to become servants of Allah who contribute to their families, communities and the Ummah with confidence, wisdom and moral clarity. Every girl deserves to understand not only what Islam asks of her but also why Allah has honoured her with those responsibilities.
Ultimately, the question, “Who teaches a girl to become a woman?” has no single answer. The responsibility belongs to everyone. It begins with parents, is strengthened by siblings and extended family, supported by educators and scholars, and reinforced by the community. Most importantly, it is guided by the timeless teachings of Islam, which recognise every stage of a woman’s life as meaningful, honourable and worthy of respect.
When families replace silence with sincere conversation, when communities replace judgement with guidance, and when faith is taught with wisdom rather than fear, girls no longer enter womanhood uncertain of themselves. Instead, they grow into women who understand their bodies without shame, practise their faith with conviction, uphold their dignity with confidence and fulfil their purpose with grace.
That is the Islamic vision of femininity not confusion, but clarity; not embarrassment, but honour; not merely growing older, but growing closer to Allah with every stage of life.
[The writer, M.Sc. Zoology, is District Media Secretary of GIO Raichur.]
