– Atoofa Nasiha
Have you ever noticed how children, once loud and expressive, sometimes grow quieter as they get older? Have you seen a child who was once confident in sharing their ideas suddenly become hesitant, unsure, or withdrawn? It’s not uncommon. Many children begin life with enthusiasm whether it’s drawing, storytelling, or simply asking endless questions. But somewhere along the way, that openness can begin to fade.
Most of us, at some point in childhood, drew the same picture: a small house, two mountains behind it, a tree, a river, and birds in the sky. Those simple sketches weren’t about getting every detail right. They were about expression about creating something because we enjoyed it, not because it was perfect.
If you or I were to go back and look at our earliest drawings or writings, we might smile at how raw and honest they were. They weren’t guided by fear of judgment, but by curiosity and excitement. But how many of us kept going? How many children today stop creating altogether not because they’ve outgrown it, but because something made them feel they weren’t good enough?
Across classrooms, living rooms, and playgrounds, children often engage in artistic expression with unfiltered imagination. Drawing, painting, writing, building are not just hobbies but essential tools through which they process their world and communicate inner thoughts. However, a consistent and troubling pattern has been observed across generations as many children abandon their creative pursuits not due to a lack of interest or talent, but because they encounter criticism that shakes their confidence and halts their exploration.
This trend is supported by research. According to research published in the Journal of Creative Behavior, creative confidence in children significantly declines after the early years of schooling. This decline is largely attributed to social comparison, standardised evaluation methods, and lack of encouragement in educational settings. (Torrance, 1962; Urban, 1991)
The National Endowment for the Arts (NEA) further documents a steep decline in creative participation by the age of 13, a time when identity formation and self-esteem are still fragile. (National Endowment for the Arts, 2011)
Understanding the Psychological Development of Children
Children’s responses to criticism are deeply influenced by their psychological development. Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson outlines that between the ages of 6 and 12, children go through the stage of Industry versus Inferiority. This stage is marked by a child’s increasing desire to master skills, receive validation, and feel capable. Success during this stage leads to a sense of competence, while failure or repeated criticism results in feelings of inadequacy.
At this age, children are particularly sensitive to external evaluations. Their self-worth is heavily shaped by the feedback they receive from caregivers and educators. Because abstract reasoning is still developing, they often interpret criticism literally and personally. A remark such as “This doesn’t look like a real tree” can translate in their minds as “I am bad at drawing,” affecting not only that activity but also their overall confidence in trying new things. (Erikson, 1950)
When and How Criticism Becomes Harmful
While feedback is essential for growth, its impact depends on how it is delivered. Children are not yet emotionally mature enough to separate an evaluation of their work from a judgment of their identity. Constructive criticism, if given insensitively, can easily be misinterpreted as personal rejection. This is especially true when the adult is a figure of authority or admiration. According to a 2015 study in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, children aged 7 to 11 are more likely to internalise evaluative feedback and apply it to their self-image rather than just to the task at hand. (Rogers and Topping 2015)
Moreover, the intention behind the feedback is not always visible to the child. Adults may believe they are helping by pointing out flaws, but when this feedback lacks warmth, curiosity, or validation, it risks stifling motivation. The tone, timing, and framing of criticism can significantly influence how a child processes it.
How to Offer Constructive Criticism without Crushing Confidence
There is a difference between correcting and controlling. Children flourish when they are guided, not compared or corrected harshly. Adults can build a healthier environment for creativity by incorporating the following approaches:
- Focus on effort and process rather than outcome.
Praising specific aspects of a child’s effort, such as colour choice, attention to detail, or creativity in composition, reinforces their engagement with the task rather than tying their worth to a “perfect” result. A study by Carol Dweck and Claudia Mueller shows that children praised for effort become more resilient and willing to take on challenges compared to those praised only for outcomes (Mueller & Dweck, 1998).
- Frame questions to invite explanation instead of correction.
Rather than saying, “That doesn’t look like a house,” one can ask, “Tell me about what you’ve made here.” This opens a space where the child feels seen and heard. It values their perspective and treats their choices with curiosity instead of judgment.
- Avoid projecting adult limitations and expectations.
Adults may unconsciously impose their own insecurities or past experiences when reacting to children’s work. A parent who once felt judged for not being “good enough” at drawing might unknowingly repeat the same cycle. Self-awareness is essential. Recognising that children’s art is not meant to meet adult standards helps prevent the projection of unnecessary expectations.
- Create space for exploration, not performance.
When children sense they are being evaluated constantly, they may stop taking creative risks. Encouraging experimentation and messiness without immediate correction nurtures their confidence and inventiveness.
- Appreciate inclusivity and originality in their work.
Children often express their thoughts, values, or dreams through their drawings or stories. Validating these choices, even if unconventional, helps reinforce that their voice matters. For example, if a child draws the sky green and the grass pink, instead of correcting it, asking “Is this a dream world you imagined?” encourages storytelling and imagination.
The Prophet’s Way of Nurturing Confidence through Inclusion
The teachings of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ have always been a source of guidance, and one such example is found in his Seerah during a moment of group participation.
“The Prophet ﷺ once passed by some people of the tribe of Bani Aslam who were practising archery. He said: ‘O Bani Isma’il! Practise archery, as your father Isma’il was a great archer. Keep on throwing arrows, and I am with Bani so-and-so.’ Upon hearing this, one of the groups stopped throwing. The Prophet ﷺ asked, ‘Why do you not throw?’ They replied, ‘O Messenger of Allah, how can we throw while you are with them?’ He said: ‘Throw, for I am with all of you.’”
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 2899)
This narration reflects how the Prophet ﷺ addressed children and young people during activities that involved skill and competition. He never favoured one over the other in a way that discouraged participation. His approach was based on motivation, encouragement, and emotional inclusion.
Children may not always remember the specific flaws pointed out in their work, but they often remember how it felt to be encouraged or dismissed. The choice to stop drawing, writing, or speaking up can begin with a single moment of unkind or careless criticism. At the same time, a small word of support can help build lasting confidence.
Nurturing creativity involves more than giving children tools to express themselves. It also means being mindful of our words, offering guidance with care, and respecting the ideas they bring. When adults respond with patience and genuine interest, children feel safe to explore and express.
Only when we give them the space to create freely will they grow to create confidently, without constant self-doubt.
